Healing isn’t linear… damn it

I’m taking a break about writing about the past and how I got to this point. I’ll pick it back up eventually, but something that I’ve been noticing lately is that healing isn’t linear. It surprises me each time too. You’ll be going along for a while and all of the sudden, boom - trigger, or bad day. You’re sad, you’re thinking of what might have been, you forget that you’re doing ok. This is NORMAL. As someone who struggles with perfection, I’ve had to let go of it. I have to think myself out of these days and remind myself, this is just a mood. Sometimes, it’s just you need a snack. Other times, you remember, oh, I had a couple beers last night, raised my dopamine and this is just a drop in dopamine. My brain doesn’t know why, so it searches for a reason to be sad. You are not actually sad. Go do something to raise your dopamine. Grab a yummy snack, take a walk, call a friend and ask them to tell you something good going on in their life. Something that works well for me - go find something you’re already proficient at, do it, then praise yourself for being good at that item. We all have talents and gifts. Find yours, do them well, and feel good about it. I think sometimes I focus on the things I need to fix too much. It’s important to take a look at what you are good at. Maybe take a walk down memory lane - remember how hard you worked at perfecting that skill? Look how far you’ve come!

So anyhow, you’ll have shitty days sometimes. Try turning them into shitty moments and not living in the yuck. Move your body, eat well, slow down and be ok with that. Fuck everyone else.